my theory is, skinner likes dog food

i can’t remember if i announced my new plan to do things i don’t normally do for the last 45 days i live in chicago*, but the new plan is, like i said, to do things i don’t normally do. let’s look at today, for instance:

1. i shaved. i was planning on not shaving until i had something resembling a presentable mustache. i made the AT&T call to the shave bullpen when i decided i looked less roguish than just 13 this morning (afternoon, let’s be honest with ourselves here). but, just the same, i was deviating from a plan that was itself a deviation from the actual plan. success: yes.

2. i went to a movie theater i hadn’t been to before: the esquire smells like cat wee. or old people. or old cats? i don’t know. i saw Supersize Me, which, for some reason, i thought would be something other than exactly what you’d expect. which it wasn’t. or was, depending on which part of that last sentence you think i meant. anyway, surprise, if you eat nothing but mcdonald’s for a month, you get fatter and you may experience bonus liver failure, at least if you are a smarmy mustachioed guy. amazingly, by the end of the movie, i was pretty much rooting for the narrator to die from liver failure. the movie is entertaining, it sort of means well, but not that well? the weird sympathy play of talking about how he feels like shit all the time and how miserable his girlfriend is now that sex is marginally worse due to McDonald’s is pretty much the salad fork in the neck that settled me on “bad movie.” as a bonus, there was a crazy old woman across the aisle who responded out loud to rhetorical questions (and just some declarative statements) in the diegetic world of the movie. she obviously came in with the right idea.

3. i had italian sausage for breakfast (lunch, actually): it seemed like the thing to do. the casing broke. i didn’t want the sausage so much as i wanted something to put horseradish sauce on. after i ate the sausage, i put horseradish sauce on my finger and ate it. i did that several times.

more on this later. right now i am being forced to do my job.

*if i still live in chicago after august, i will have to retroactive come up with a different excuse for acting like this for 45 days.

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