ok, i saw troy. it was awful, but it seemed like everyone involved was appropriately sorry for it. except for orlando bloom? also, interestingly enough, it seems like the screenplay-writing process went something like this:
1. give the guy who wrote 25th hour a fucked-up VHS copy of Gladiator (the russell crowe one, not the cuba gooding jr one).
2. get him good and stoned
3. show him the movie but call his cellphone repeatedly during boring parts.
4. make him write down what he remembers afterward
5. dub every fourth line with “may the gods (verb) to (pronoun)”
the following information i feel compelled to share with you all. sorry for making you read so much but you will realize as i did that every fact in here is essential to preventing your human children from being eaten by cicadas:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - MAY 24, 2004
FROM: Cicadaville.com, Protecting America from the deadly Cicadas.
MEDIA CONTACT: Megan@cicadaville.com
The deadly and vicious Cicadas hve invaded the United States and we are pleased to announce America's most comprehensive information source about Cicadas, Cicadaville.com.
Cicadas are deadly and vicious killers armed with lethal venom and flesh-eating bacteria. Their primary nutrition source is human children. Our mission at Cicadaville.com is to reveal the deadly truth about Cicadas so you can protect yourself and your family from these vicious predators. Most of the information about cicadas provided by the government and the media is false. Our award-winning team of senior research professionals at Cicadaville.com has spent almost 50 years assembling the greatest body of cicada research on earth. Rest assured we have uncovered all of the truths about these vicious killers.
So take the first step toward saving America by checking out our website.
Website Data: Cicadaville.com was released on May 5, 2004. Cicadaville.com currently has a link on almost 300 websites and receives approximately 500,000 unique visitors daily.
it took about five minutes before i realized they were kidding. i still don’t understand the need to make such a complicated, long joke about cicadas.
also, getting back to troy, it’s sort of nice or at least not not nice to see the shark doctor lady from Deep Blue Sea make a semi-triumphant semi-comeback as hector’s extremely gangly wife. for some reason, possibly because i liked the Hulk and i like australians (to a point), i was rooting for the hulk (hector) and didn’t remember from the iliad that he doesn’t kill achilles, achilles kills him and then his brother kills achilles, not the other way around (achilles kills his brother and then he kills achilles) so i was saddened somewhat when he ate it.