Take away the pain stain (from my heart)

1. For whatever reason (being of charitable mind, getting tired of listening to the mp3s i downloaded, didn’t feel like downloading more mp3s, didn’t feel like choosing a song every five minutes, wanted to torture self) i decided to check out the minnesota public radio rock station that was mentioned on Pitchfork (hey, cut me some slack you fucking racist ideologue). Anyway, I have this standing problem with all things public radio. Actually I just have a problem with radios, in general. When, at this point in the game, a person with even moderate interest in their music collection can assemble a digital mixtape that lasts a month without repeating a song, non-talk radio is completely worthless, unless 1. you’re not interested in hearing new music or 2. it’s live 3. music is being programmed by a DJ with something like obscure but not obscurantist taste who has a stated agenda of playing music you have not heard but will want to hear again. what was my other problem with the radio: right, talk radio. I fucking hate NPR.

I have no problem with people enjoying and habitually consuming NPR. I would be a fascist if it turned out I had some kind of fairly-developed plan to dynamite NPR affiliates. I don’t actually know the differences between the stuff on NPR and what’s like particular to WBEZ or other NPR stations I’ve been exposed to. I don’t know if WENS is one of them. Basically just take NPR as a catchall phrase for slow-talking white-sounding -people-hosted programs. This is about my hate, not about defining what is and isn’t NPR (editor: author is vaguely aware of several large holes in his argument/logic. also sharply aware of his own non-desire to hear readers or commenters point these holes out. get your own blog.) Anyway, foul-mouthed ranting begins below.

1a. NPR is not a viable response to anything you might categorize as “mainstream culture.” It is mainstream culture, just for people who went to college or grad school or were raised by nerdwolves. I’m not sure where this was going. I think my point is that people who say they only listen to NPR when someone else brings up something that the first person thinks is low culture. They’re probably dicks, the first person(s). At the same time, if the other person is trying to talk about I Love The 90s, they’re both dicks, but that’s a bonus, a gimme situation where you can write both people off completely. Complaining about how “culture” is dumb or lowbrow or something is like complaining about how brush fires show a consistent disregard for socioeconomics when destroying property. That’s the fakiefake Chuck Klostermang part of the thingthing. All I will say about NPR-related enterprises is that they are a totally acceptable source of news and opinions, just like the newspaper and the internet and your imagination. They have many good reporters and writers, and they have a reassuring level of familiarity with Dignity and the Low-Voice-Talking-thing that makes it pleasant to listen to and sleep with on. There, so my complaints with NPR, at least in line item 1a, are that I don’t like people who use NPR as a stick to try to poke into other people’s eyes and nose.

But then there’s 1B, which is that NPR isn’t funny. It is never ever funny. I think that’s my complaint. And it’s supposed to be funny. And isn’t. And some of the people have real wanker voices and aren’t actually pleasant to listen to at all.

Where does this anger come from: I think it was from making myself listen to something that wasn’t NPR or even representative of NPR. It was public radio, sort of, but it was most rock music. I had a larger point about what’s wrong with the radio and I got very sidetracked talking about how I think NPR isn’t funny despite spending an average of zero hours a day listening to NPR (probably an average of 1 minute per month, actually). ANyway I have to go get the socket plug thing for this computer before it runs out of batteries. Hold on.

OK. I plugged it in. My larger point was that the people who i listened to on Minnesota Public Radio were the worst DJs I’ve ever heard and played bad boring crap. What I learned, then, was that the hyperbalkanization of music and music consumption is ultimately a necessary evil, because if my standing fetish for listening to ’60s doo-wop music, Dutch freakbeat, country music and bad Australian pop rock means, as far as i can tell, is only protecting me from having to listen to idiots from Minnesota with squeaky voices who insist on playing out of date indie rock and probably driving cars with anti-Bush stickers on them. I guess I just dislike everybody now. Is that how it goes? I know, from this weekend and prior experience, that I seem to hate everyone younger than me, which group is only going to expand from here on out, and i definitely hate a lot of other people for hard-to-define personal political reasons (you’re wearing that shirt wrong, you are tall, you are too flamboyant about the way you’re standing behind me in line at the store, because you have red hair)

MY ACTUAL POINT
I FIXED THE COMMENTS. SO YOU CAN LEAVE COMMENTS AGAIN. Just don’t mention poker, or any ED drugs, or pretty much any brand name drug, OK. THE COMMENTS WORK! later i will fix the ugly bloggrill.

I have new viewpoints about hipsters. maybe it’s not a viewpoint. it’s something. give it a minute

2.

2 thoughts on “Take away the pain stain (from my heart)”

  1. dear god,

    I thank you for inventing the snooze button so I can tell cokie roberts to shut the fuck up without opening my mouth.

    I won’t say she deserves to die, but oh, my, please understand me when I say my white, hot, red, lust, fire, death, love for her maimed carcass is the second reason I hate Morning Edition.

    The first is the lingering suspicion that Lisa Labuz will never fall in love with me.

  2. NPR humor is for people who think that real humor is somehow immoral, I think.

    NPR is, as you say, obviously viable and good in many ways, but it makes me hate white people.

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