On the vulgarity of American sport: Fickle cheer-motivations probably can’t make anyone whorish, what are baseball teams for if not for inspiring love of; nine guys functioning as yourself smiling back at yourself in the mirror, thinking about how great it would be if someone could see how cool I was acting, especially if there were nine of me and we had swell matching jumpers and hats; and the mirror was not a mirror but a well-orchestrated set of television cameras. in particular though i have had historical beef with the white sox because they exist to TV* with my special magik alternate masculinities or whatever (henceforth in this text “the Indians”). These historical beefs, and the fresher, not-yet-historicized affronts of messrs Crede et O’Nora can be set aside, for the most part, bc the White Sox are a franchise traditionally on the sad zone of certain indexes: fans, success, having the area immediately around their home or place of business resemble pre-Clinton Accords downtown Belfast (replace catholics w/ black ppl though). However many sympathies I can mount to pin on the sloping shoulders of the Caucasian Stockings, i can think of a host of extra reasons to hate them. The state st. housing project corridor and the near-total ghettoization of the South Side can’t be dumped in the Sox lawn, but their fans are certainly the people who happily busted their own blocks post-Migration, murmuring (or screaming) racist innuendoes all the while, and now do the same while driving with car doors and windows police-locked on their way back to wherever their white flight emergency landed. Have I mentioned that the demographic and ideological composition of Chicagowelt makes my heart itch. I think that’s part of the reason I want to move back to NYC someday, because sociocultural elites in NYC are almost entirely not from NYC despite being 100% ofit; which basically adds a club-seating deck to the social discourse in the city; you have to get involved in muni politics or school teaching, flip over the rug, really, to see all the TV’ed up bugs of racism and poverty. being on top of the rug is a shitty way to live, but it’s one of the only spots left where you can actually practice idealism and not die of exposure to reality as a result.
A’way, the white sox, despite being like manifestly evil (self-underfunded big market team that extorted a bogus stadium from fans by threatening to move to addison, built a cruddy stadium with the loot, then had to fix it, then sold out, have employed terry bevington in the past) are also manifestly the mob’s choice in 2005 beeecause:
:: The Red Sox already smelled the jar
:: The Yankees have a long history of jar-smelling and suck and are owned by Martin Borrmann
:: The Angels already won in 02 and suck and are owned by the Mexican JR Ewing
:: The Cardinals “may not in fact mean well. the more i marinate on a representative reading of MLB teams circa 2001-2005, the idea of
rooting for the cardinals heavily seems like the personal equivalent of just owning up and flossing everyday and not drinking to excess
except once or twice a year when called for. premeditated failure does not seem to be in the ideological lexicon of St. Louis.”
:: The Astros have Roger Clemens, are in Texas, are in Houston and in Texas, wear red uniforms. The only good thing about the Astros is that they employ the House of Morgan Ensberg and also the non-House of Willy Taveras. The Astros’ complete lack of offense is actually almost enough to make them the most likeable team in the NL, except then there’s
:: The Padres are not going to win any games, which makes rooting for them a lot like telling other people what cards you have in poker.
:: The Braves this year are more sympathetic this year than they have been since 1992. The Braves this year are also less sympathetic this year than an above-average piece of shoe leather.
So, everybody, stand up and introduce yourself to the White Sox, who you will be sleeping with later. Pay special attention to Aaron Rowan’s goatee, you are giving your express approval of said goatee by inspecting it. As far as predictions are concerned: The White Sox will lose the WS in five games to the Cardinals.
attn: 5’6″ 130 lb-sized gun-criming guy: I HAVE A NEW LICENSE AND BANK CARD. TV YOURSELF.
* (to TV: a verb: to fudge with)