somebody walked into their office today with the express intent of saying “hi” in a very prominent, abrasive way to the guy who watches the lobby, because he always gets them by acting like he’s not going to say “hi” and then waiting until the arrival has committed to their usual course of action (slight nod, or just slight eye contact) and then he springs something insidious on you like “HAVE A NICE WEEKEND” or “GOOD MORNING” and you can tell by the way he says it that maybe it is not 100% sincere. anyway, he got them bad today. the person in question went in great guns, planning on a really deadly sincere greeting on the guy, like maybe a “so how was your weekend?.” it’s hard when you don’t take the elevator, because your choices are limited to not really greeting them at all, doing a clearly insincere fake drive-by greeting, or stopping cold and having a really awkward short conversation. it’s a total kobayashi maru situation. anyway, my point is, this guy went totally planning to TV the receptionist guy by beating his fake insincere greetings with even faker insincere greetings. but the lobby guy scummed the person in question terrifically.
It’s probably too hard to explain what really happened. but the lobby guy gave the person arriving at work such a dirty look that it shamed him into not saying “HOW ARE YOU HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND” and then, even worse, the lobby guy didn’t complete the indignity with his own fake greeting but subsequently just continued to radiate out the terrible dirty look. maybe the person in question is reading too much into this.
things to avoid, year 2006:
:: crayfish (too late, i had that gumbo yesterday)
:: PBR. it messes with your internal organs
:: other people
:: see the metrodome
:: rent a car successfully
:: steal a car successfully
i basically wanted to get on board with having a post in the year 2006. as you might notice, i have said nothing.
decorations in my cubicle (retired decorations)
:: picture of the last frames of Pierrot le Fou (dude’s head exploding)
:: photocopy of bobby thomson crossing home plate in the Pafko at the Wall/shot heard round the world game.
:: illegibly small doc films calendar
:: a mary worth comic strip that just says “and that concludes the memorial service for fay begler” and shows everybody standing around a casket.
:: a picture of a guy shooting a sperm whale with a rocket-powered harpoon (it’s a woodcut)
schematic diagrams of a sperm whale and the way to skin it successfully
:: a drawing of charles darwin with a chimp’s body
:: a bottle of lotion
:: some dried snot, probably
:: picture of jake plummer
:: the SHITTIEST STAPLER IN AMERICA