field notes from an ecology conference. i am not an ecologist. this is more a state of the american scientific community* for summer 2006, memphis TN
* i’ve made some calls about having ecology downgraded to a pseudoscience or maybe even all the way down to like a hobby group like model trains. no movement, thus far.
:: arthropod community response to catastrophic event in an irrigated perennial group
:: aggressive intermediate-level English speakers (uncollated South Americnas who are very wrong about how much English they speak)
:: the zero eye-contact man (maybe same as confused/lonely grad student)
:: women with short hair talking to men with long hair
:: unmanaged beards, tiny heads
:: weird stride length (related to being so nerdy you walk with a limp; duckwalker)
:: wrongtalking (similar to snakemouth or grumpyface)
:: the guy who tries to wear a suit
:: 74% attractive people
:: denim jodphur cutoffs
:: incongruous tattoo, boards of canada t-shirt
:: the dental phenomenon “superbite”
:: weirdshaped bigger protruding skull morphology. can involve volume, alignment or both in unfortunate cases.
:: weird colorations, “two-tone” beards
:: pants are clearly from 1987
:: all different kinds of shorts and sandals
:: manisfesting your social anxiety only through crazy head movements during an otherwise normal conversation
:: a pair of people who would be normal if you switched their head/torso/pants/neurologies. can only produce a total of one normal person. i call this the slot machine. a double or “natural” set would produce two normal people out of zero, but this is undocumented and likely not possible. heuristics needed.
:: hands-in-pocket squinty bearded mumbling guy (usually is complaining about getting jobbed somehow)
:: the oldest man in the world (parts are falling off of him as he tries to explain something). is named mike, or jerry.
:: the person who lost their internal monologue in a car accident
:: mouth-grabber (uses mouth as a pincer)
:: woman made out of grass clippings
:: obstrusive hot dutch girl
:: cargo cargo cargo shorts (a pocket on top of a pocket on top of a pocket on your shorts)
:: limping, drooling lady who seems sure that everything is designed to belittle her.
:: people who hold things incorrectly