the “city not busy enough not to hate”

so i spent about an hour of my time in a foot locker in downtown chicago this past sunday, on a ridiculously nice day (why not spend an hour in foot locker). i had a sachet of snus in my mouth owning to a mid-morning attempt to quit smoking. by the time it was 5 pm i wasn’t quitting smoking anymore, i can tell you that. anyway i was killing an hour before i went to go get my bicycle from an undisclosed west side location where it had to be stabled following a special treats-intensive meal at said location (i apologize for the long explanation for why i was in foot locker). i bought a hat to soothe a heartache, and looked at t-shirts, and in general sort of considered the various tetrapods. i raised an eyebrow at one thing.


i mean, i know there are a lot of Jayhawks in the chicago area, and i don’t really follow the NBA closely, but Nick Collison is a totally mediocre PF for a mediocre team, isn’t he? I got huffy because it seemed to me that the only reason this jersey was stocked was that: Nick Collison is a white dude. I looked around for Wayne Simien or Paul Pierce or even any KU swag. None to be seen. Clearly racialist (something)-mongering. possibly monger-mongering. Anyway, the world kept spinning until i saw this t-shirt:


kelly green, as a sports-haberdashery non sequitur, clearly inscribes that the wearer of said gear is unmistakably going to/intended to be a caucasian (and probably a shitferbrains). now, here we have a kelly green bulls t-shirt printed under the subbrand of noted Bulls PG (and generally better than Nick Collison-level player) and noted Caucasian Captain Kirk Hinrich. Now I’m just about convinced we’re looking at some kind of categorical sportswear racist agenda. Until i saw this and realized fake irish people just like things that are green.

although a business associate did point out that Ben Wallace might be somehow ethnically Scottish, so that makes him as celtic as anybody.

now that i think on this, it’s surprising there isn’t more targeted marketing towards the “white and proud of it” demo & dollar. i mean, that’s more or less what baseball, in its entirety, is getting to be, now that i think even further. lo and behold, when i was getting my bulls hat (that’s right, the cavs are dead to me) there was a white sox hat done in the style and colors of the wonder bread logo. it ever featured the proprietary wonder bread balloons. this is america, man.

“if fleas had rituals they would be about dogs”
i forget where i read that quote as a epigramme to something, and i also forget what it was supposed to indicate or who said it. i forget a lot, as it turns out. one thing i did not forget is that i agree with the lack of a sentiment underscoring it.

some variations:

if my dick was a person, he would have no limbs and wouldn’t have a central nervous system or a recognizable face, and he’d be penis-sized

if algebra had no variables, it would be regular math

if i tried harder and got out of my own way, maybe i’d start to feel proud of myself

if i stopped thinking completely, i’d be less fun to talk to

2 thoughts on “the “city not busy enough not to hate””

  1. Chris Onstad quote of the month:

    “I think you could print “PAST THE POINT OF REFLECTION” on millions of terrycloth headbands, air-drop them over high school graduations, baseball games, Olive Gardens, and traffic jams, and have yourself a tidy little situation.”

  2. I stole your wonderbread picture and put it on my new blog. Don’t worry, I gave you credit. check it out: jaredran.wordpress.com Had to make a new blog b/c i got locked out of Lost Rations. I think it has to do the associated email address dying. I’m okay with it though b/c the new one is much better.

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