installment two of Fuck You Tuesday: Death of American Humanity via Advertising. Previous i discussed an ad for abstract post-secondary degrees that spoke to soulgreed and not to say, the actual sapient desire to get a degree that you could then use for a specific reason. Today i am discussing a frequent bee-in-bonnet problem i have vis a vis ads that cough, rebrand, violence against your fellow man as humor. Herewith: Cheetos: A Case Study.
Robert Riccardi, managing partner at Goodby Silverstein (the ad agency behind the new campaign), says that Chester’s mischievous new personality stems from the idea that “powering down” Cheetos as an adult “feels like a nonconformist moment.
dudes have at the “powering down”* of Chester Cheetah here and there but the thing i want to tell you is that cheetos are apparently no longer for kids and proto-diabetics so much as they are for UNCHRISTIAN ASSHOLES.
if you’ll observe the video evidence, you will see that the hallucinating white demi-hipster responds to a rude encounter by sabotaging the bitch’s white laundry with cheetos. funny, maybe if you hate bitches. but this ties into my stepmom’s latent kulturkampf against advertising: she’s hypothesized, since at least 2002, that all humor in advertising is simply absurdist violence and the “joke” is a question more of timing or surprise than it is of actually being funny. for instance, the commercial wherein a woman wrestles with a raw turkey carcass before inadvertently throwing it through a window and crushing her beloved’s skull with it, contains zero actual jokes, yet everyone involved in making and watching can easily tell you that it’s *intended* to be funny. anyway, what the fuck is funny about ruining a stranger’s laundry? everything, apparently.
this is my wrinkle to the violence-as-appeal theory of advertising culture: emotional violence is far more prevalent, and if you run fast enough/stretch your arms out further you can make a case that almost every single current document of television advertisment that isn’t the classical “here is our thing/service. here is the price. here is our contact information” betrays this truth ultimately. if the ad doesn’t contain absurd cartoon violence, say, throwing a rock at someone’s forehead to win a game of RPS for a can of light beer, it probably contains spiritual violence, or a deus lo volt, Claremont moment call to emotional violence against your fellow humans. Such as, Cadillac ads featuring sneering Calvin-Klein-zooted metalface yuppies (sorry Cedric Daniels, I still respect your needs and desires as an artist): the implicit premise of those particular ads is: Cameron’s car is a piece of tin. You’re better than Cameron: herewith: an opportunity to buy Cameron’s dad’s
Ferrari Cadillac. I’m verging on imcomprehensibility so, instead, pictures:
Tom Frank and god knows how many people know and say things such as this a lot better than this conservative small-town peace officer can or will. but still, it felt nice to get that off my chest.
Also, full disclosure, to be honest, I didn’t bother watching the ad with sound on, so I don’t know what the cheetah tells her. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s kind of funny.
Whatever whatever whatever. Writing two paragraphs with semi-consistent punctuation and a video link tired me out, so i’m done. Fuck you guys.
Also, as like a PPS, I want to reiterate that I don’t read Slate, i only read people ripping Slate. Which I guess makes me the blogocratic dipshit equivlanet of Tom from Metropolitan’s only reading literary criticism instead of literature itself. But I am moved to add this disclaimer/sorry petulant fart to end my sorry petulant post because i saw a guy on the bus reading Newsweek (a guy who works in my office) and even though I would totally look at a copy of newsweek if i found it, and don’t midn it terribly, I would never read it on a bus. I certainly wouldn’t be seen reading it on a bus. I dunno. More thoughts on elitism in re mega-circulation magazines maybe never.
* footnote on “powering down”: if there was such an orthographic tool as squiggly quote marks, this is the type of occasion for which i would use said tool.