Hieronymo is mad againe part 4 (RIYL moneymaking schemes)

1: Advil-coating flavored ice cream and/or bath products. It’s a blues riff in B, watch me for the changes and try to keep up: I was at a thing filled with people who would probably describe themselves as “literary” (i won’t offer my opinion, other than all of the opinions embedded in this sentence). I was smoaking tobaccos outside waiting for someone to loan me the $4 i was short on the cover, and I noticed that everybody who came in smelled like some variant on sea salt and or herbal cleaning products (I swung mightily once inside to make a comedy routine out of this observation and got la gasface). So here’s what I think this points up: if you make consumer emollients and oils out of things that people like but offer previously unrealized opportunities to smell more like a democractic vista than your target audience’s intra-class enemies, you will drown in crumpled $20s? Hence, Advil coating, which doesn’t have a smell per se but we all know what it tastes like, nortonsimon? So this will involve some synesthetic engineering, but fuck it, you know what I’m saying. **

** I am not sure how ice cream plays into this, but I think it does. Trust my hunch.

2: A service that sends you text messages if something important related to your lifestyle choices happens. The brand builder is “if there is a sports game that is good, we will text you and tell you to go to a bar.” The only catch is, subscribers will have to complete a seven-thousand page T or F questionnaire monthly in order for our data matrix to perform above league average. Otherwise you’ll just get texts telling you that “blogs are hip” or “you should consider plastic surgery.” This isn’t a home run, but if you lie to yourself about what constitutes a home run or success or acceptable commercial activity, you could see your way clear to describing it as a sharp single. Floating a few name ideas: TextMeIfThereIsaThing.com, IsThisAThing.com, IsTheThingGood.com?

2 thoughts on “Hieronymo is mad againe part 4 (RIYL moneymaking schemes)”

  1. Marty McFly, did you have penciled into your
    day planner for the weekend: drop the new,
    keep empirical tabs on the reverberations?
    I like.

    Like

  2. this shit writes itself. by which i mean, i am batman. by which i mean, i got fired up last week and will be declaiming on shit here until i spool out again.

    Like

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